It all started when I was 6 years old. While I was playing outside on my farm in California, I met a boy. He was an average kind of boy who teased you and then you chased them and beat them up. After that first meeting in which I beat him up we kept on meeting and beating each other up at the fence. That only lasted for a little while though. We would meet at the fence all the time and we were always together.

I would tell him all my secrets. He was very quiet he would just listen to what I had to say. I found him easy to talk to and I could talk to him about everything. In school we had separate friends but when we got home we would always talk about what happened in school. One day I said to him that a guy I liked hurt me and broke my heart. He just comforted me and said everything would be okay. He gave me words of encouragement and helped me get over him. I was happy and thought of him as a real friend. But I knew that there was something else about him that I liked. I thought of it that night and figured it was just a friend kinda thing that I was feeling.

All through high school and even through graduation we're always together and of course I thought of it as being friends. But I knew deep inside that I really felt differently. On graduation night even though we had different dates to the prom I wanted to be with him. That night after everybody went home I went to his house and wanted to tell him that I wanted to see him. Well, that night was my big chance and all I did was just sit there with him watching the stars and talking about what I was going to do and what he was going to do. I looked into his eyes and listened to him talk about what his dream was. How he wanted to get married and settle down. He said how he wanted to be rich and successful. All I could do was to tell him my dream and cuddle next to him.

I went home hurting because I didn't tell him how I was feeling. I wanted to tell him so bad that I loved him but I was too scared and frightened. I let my feelings go and told myself that someday I would tell him just how I felt. All through college I wanted to tell him but he always had someone with him. After graduation he got a job in New York, I was happy for him but at the same time I was sad to see him go. I was sad also because I didn't tell him how I felt. But I couldn't let him know now that he was leaving for his big job. So I just kept it to myself and watched him go on the plane. I cried as I hugged him for what I felt was going to be the last time. I went home that night and cried my eyes out. I felt hurt that I didn't tell him what I had inside my heart.

Well, I got a job as a secretary and then worked my way to a computer analyst. I was proud of what I had accomplished. One day I got a letter with an invitation to a marriage. It was from him, I was happy and sad at the same time. Now I know that I could never be with him and that we could only be friends. I went to the wedding the next month. It was a big occasion. The big church wedding and the reception at the hotel. I met the bride and of course him. I fell in love one more time. But I held back so it wouldn't spoil what should be the happiest day in his life. I tried to have fun that night but it was killing me inside watching him being so happy and me trying to be happy covering up my sadness tears inside of me.

I left New York feeling that I did the right thing. Before I left on the flight, he came running out of nowhere and said his good-byes and how he was very happy to see me. I came home and just tried to forget about what went on in New York. I had to go on with my life. As the years went on, we wrote to each other on what was going on and how he had missed talking to me. On one occasion he never wrote back to me at all. I was getting worried as to why he hadn't written anything for a long time after I had already written 6 letters to him. Well, just when everything seemed hopeless and sad in my life, I got a note that said: "meet me at the fence where we used to talk about things". I went and saw him there. I was happy to see him, but he was broken-hearted and sad inside. We hugged until we couldn't breathe anymore.

Then he told me about the divorce and why he hadn't written for a long time. He cried until he couldn't cry anymore. Finally, we went back to the house and talked and laughed about what I had been going and to catch up on old times. But in all of this, I couldn't tell him how I felt about him. In the days that followed, he had fun and forgot about all his problem and his divorce. I fell in love again with him. When it came time for him to leave back to New York, I went to see him off and cried. I hated to see him leave. He promised to see me every time he could get a vacation. I couldn't wait for him to come so I could be with him. We would always have fun when we were together.

One day he didn't show up like he said he would. I figured that he might have been busy. The days turned into months and I just forgot about it. Then I got a call one day from a lawyer in New York. The lawyer said that he had died in a car accident going to the airport. And that it took this long till everything was settled. It broke my heart. I was shocked about what took place. Now I knew why he didn't come that day. Again, I was broken-hearted. I cried that night, cried tears of sadness and heartache. Asking questions why did this happen to a kind guy like him?

I gathered my things and went to New York for the reading of his will. Of course, things were given to his family and his ex-wife. I finally got to meet her since the last time we met at the wedding. She explained to me how he was and how he always provided. But he was always unhappy. She would always try everything but she couldn't get him happy, as he was that night at their wedding. When the will was read, the one thing that was given to me was a diary. It was a diary that of his life. I cried as it was given to me. I didn't know what to think. Why was this given to me? I took it and flew back to California. As I flew on the plane I remembered the good times that we had together. I started reading the diary and what was written.

The diary was started with the day we first met. I read on till I started to cry. The diary told of him saying that he had fallen in love with me that day I was broken-hearted. But he was too afraid to tell me what he had felt. That is why he was so quiet and liked to listen to me. It told of how he wanted to tell me so many times, but was too afraid to say anything. It told of when he went to New York and fell in love with another.

How the happiest time he had was seeing me and dancing with me at the wedding. He said he imagined it was our wedding. How he was always unhappy till he had no choice but to divorce his wife. How the best time in his life was to read the letters written to him by me. Finally, the diary ended when it said, "today I will tell her I love her". It was the day he was killed. The day I was going to finally find out what was really in his heart.

If you love someone, don't wait till tomorrow to tell him/her. Maybe that next day will never come at all.

He met her on a party, she was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her,while he was so normal, nobody paid attention to him. At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised, but due to politeness, she promised. They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, she thought, please, let me back home. Suddenly he asked the waiter: would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee.

Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but, still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it. She asked him curiously: why you have this hobby? He replied: when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I like playing in the sea, I could felt the taste of the sea, salty and bite, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I will think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who still living there. Saying that, tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched. That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart.

"A man who can tell out his homesick, he must be a man loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home," she thought. Then she also started to talk, talked about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family. That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story. They continue to date. She found actually he was a man who meets all her demands: he was tolerance, kind hearted, warm, careful...he was such a good guy but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty coffee!

Then the story was just like every beautiful love story: the princess married to the prince, then they were living the happy life...And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that's the way he liked.

After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: "My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life lie. This was the only lie I said to you, the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt. It's hard for me to change so I just go ahead. I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything..Now I'm dying, I'm afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth: I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste..but I have the salty coffee for my whole life since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life.

If I can live for the second time, I still want to know you and have you as my whole life wife, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again."

Her tears made the letter totally wet. Someday, someone asked her: What's the taste of salty coffee?

It's sweet. She replied.

I didn't want to depart my home town, which I've been settling ever since the day I was born. Neither do I want to leave my school, relatives, and most importantly my best friend Samuel.

Sam and I had been best friends since elementary school. I still recall the day when we first met; it was the first day of grade 1 and we were in the same class. Unintentionally I collided with his head trying to reach for my pencil that had been knocked out on the floor. Fortunately I didn’t know that he was trying to reach for it too. From that time on we got close, share lunch, talk and became best friends. We’d hang around together as often as I’d hang around with my family. He’s like my brother; a brother who I could lean to when I have problems, a brother who’s always there for me when I’m in trouble, a brother who loved me for me… at least as a sister. What he didn’t know is that I am deeply in love with him ever since the day we first met; which saddens me the most, assuming that he only thinks of me as his sister.

In sixth grade, in spite of this, things changed. We had been together for 5 implausible years, but this year is diverse. I was moving. Moving far away from him, it’s like a new world I’m getting myself into. My deep profoundness love for him is still there and I don’t want to leave him. We agreed to call each other at least twice a week, send letters and emails if we have time, and stay in touch with each other. Except that, it wouldn’t be the same, it wouldn’t be like old times, we wouldn’t see each other except in pictures, we couldn’t do anything together now. We couldn’t be there for each other, all the time anymore. Furthermore we are two continents away from each other. And I wanted to confess. Tomorrow, I decided.

The day of the departure came but he was nowhere in sight. I tried calling his cell but no one was answering it. I was so worried and sad that he forgot about my departure. I left the country heartbroken and thinking that maybe he had a good excuse why he didn’t go.

One year had passed and still no sign of him. I tried calling his home every once in a while but his mother would always say, “Oh he’s not here, but I’ll tell him you called!” and I would be so depressed. Sometimes I just think that he’s been avoiding my calls. But why I wondered I was going off to grade 9. I hadn’t been getting any emails or letters from him; or hadn’t been getting any at all. I tried to tell myself that, “Its okay Katherine, he’s just busy that’s all.” However I had my doubts. What if he’s not busy at all? What if he forgot about me? What if he got a girlfriend and been too busy to talk or even stay in touch with me? A lot of what ifs’ are on my head. I tried emailing him and writing letters but there was no reply. What if all my what ifs’ came true? Then maybe I should be pleased, pleased for the reason that he’s happy. On the contrary why didn’t he tell me?

2 years had passed and still no sign of his letters or emails or phone calls. I tried to get over him. I really tried but I can’t. I just couldn’t forget the fact that I love him.

One week later, I received a letter from his home address, accusing it was him I ripped it open. I was so anxious to read his letter that I skipped a couple of parts, that I thought wasn’t that important. Unfortunately, it is important. It says that he’s sick and is in a coma. I was so shocked to see this that I ran inside to tell my parents to get me a ticket back to see him. Luckily they approved and booked me the latest flight.

I preceded to the hospital his in. I was so worried to see him, concerned that he’s undergoing from a poor health. When I got in his room my heart raised and kept thumping on my chest. I noticed him lying there with bandages all over his body. I felt sorry for him. All this time I was blaming him of overlooking me while his being diagnosed. I had a talk with his mom and she told me what had happened to him. She assumed that he was crossing the street while he was writing in a book and a truck had hit him. That book was sadly addressed to me, it has no title its cover is blank. I opened it and started reading the first page.

September 17, 200*

“This is the day I left.” I thought.

Katherine left today. I’m so upset to see her leave. That’s why I didn’t go to the airport at all. But I tried to go realizing that I had to confess my love for her before she leaves but I was too late. I’m going to miss her so bad. All the good times we had will never be forgotten. I wish I could come with her. I love her so very much.

My tears started falling. I admired him. I was in awe. He made a diary for me starting with the day I left. And what mostly saddened me is the fact that he loved me too. I scanned through pages and read the last page he had written on.

March 26, 200*

I can’t wait for Kath to see what I had done for her. I hope she’ll like it. I just miss her so bad. I wish she was here right now in my arms holding me tight and wishing she wouldn’t be away anymo ---

And it was cut right there. I couldn’t imagine the scene how it happened. I saw a glimpse of him again and a tear fell on my cheeks. I hold his hand so tight. That time I had wished that I hadn’t left and be with him throughout this tough time. There was this throb in my chest. I scanned again and all the other pages are blank. 

A letter dropped when I was about to close it.

Dear Kath,

If you are done reading my diary I want you to fill out the other half of this book. I miss you so bad, Kath. I’m sorry if I keep missing your calls I was just too busy with work. Yeah, Kath I’m working now so I could surprise you and go there and maybe finish my school there. I can’t wait to see you soon. I’m also sorry that it took me 2 years to get this to you its just that I didn’t know your address there and I had to look for your relatives to tell me your address, and about the email thing I tried to email you back but our computer is really messed up; I ought to get the fix sometime so I could email you. I’m really sorry if you thought that I don’t care about you, I do. I really do. I love you since the first day we met it’s just that I was too scared to confess because it might ruin our friendship and that I think that you only think of me as a brother. I love you Kath, I love you with all my heart and I’m sacrificing everything just to be with you.

With Love,
Sam

By the time I was done reading his letter. I heard a beep it was coming from him. I was stunned. I dropped the book and ran towards him and started calling the nurse.

“Stay with me please, stay with me… don’t leave me please. I can’t let you leave me. Please. I. Love. You.” I cried as the tears fell. I was shaking. I didn’t want him to die. I didn’t want him to leave me. I want him to be here by my side comforting me, and telling me that it was all a joke. But it’s not a joke. It’s reality. He’s dead and here I am living my life through pages in the diary. I filled the rest of the book. I even started a new book since it couldn’t hold all my memories and thoughts of him. And I will always remember him. How he had been a good friend. How he helped me through bad times. How he loved me so much that I didn’t want to let go. I will not forget him. He had been the best inspiration of my life. He is the best of friend anyone could ever have. I will not forget him. I love him.

“C’mon Kath, were going to be late for school!” Mark shouted through our front door. Mark had been my friend since the day I first came to his school. He had been a good friend, almost as good as Sam. He kind of reminds me of Sam. Sometimes when I'm with Mark, I kind of think that Sam sent him to guide me and to be with me just like he did for me when he was alive. "Coming!” I shouted back. This is a fresh new start and a beginning of an ideal friendship. Or so I thought.

Singleness

Merriam Webster Dictionary defines the word single as “unmarried” or being left alone. I define the word as “not being in a commitment”, not being in a relationship with someone and not being with a guy or a girl everywhere you go introducing the person as your official girlfriend or boyfriend. Singleness doesn’t mean being lonely, being alone with yourself, being different from the others who have someone. It doesn’t mean when you’re single, you are less of a woman/man. Singleness is a choice or a destiny.

I’ve been single for almost all my life, in other words, NBSB which means No Boyfriend Since Birth. Being single is fun. You can do almost everything. You can go out with almost everyone – girls and boys all at the same time. You can be friends with every other guy without someone asking you questions why, without someone stopping you and without someone getting hurt. If you were to ask me why I didn’t commit, I would probably answer you one thing: I’m not ready. I’m not ready to hold hands with a boy in the open, I’m not ready to introduce him to my friends as my boyfriend, I’m not ready to say ‘I Love You’ and lastly, I’m not ready yet to have my first broken heart.

Most of my friends have boyfriends and girlfriends. I guess among my high school friends, I was the only one who graduated that never left a scar on a boy’s heart back at my school and back at the town. My friends would tease me about it. Others would laugh. Sometimes, it also makes me wonder why. I’ve loved a few times – different guys and different feelings. The last guy I remembered loving was “him”. I was close to having my first “boyfriend” and yet, I chose to let go of him because of the fact that I wasn’t ready. Yes, I regretted it. I cried my heart out when I found out a year later that he fell in love with another girl who looked exactly like me. I thought, I could’ve grabbed the chance God gave me. But crying wouldn’t make any changes; it couldn’t undo what have been done. I chose to move on and be single.

There are many reasons why people choose to be single. My story was one. I was afraid. Others would tell you, they were broken hearted and they can’t love another or, they’re still waiting for that someone who will make them see life in a kaleidoscope, they believe in destiny, their priority is their families; they’re too busy to go out with someone and a thousand more. Each one has his own story, his own reasons, his fears, his wants and needs. It could also be of the fact that they don’t want to be interrupted from their living as single, they don’t want someone to just enter their lives and mess it all up. Sometimes, you can’t blame those people. Being single is not a joke, it takes a lot of courage to be different from the norm and be alone.

I’ve dated a few guys. I’ve been asked a few times if they can court and such. I’ve been super close to changing my status at Friendster from single to “in a relationship”. I’ve met wonderful guys but none of them made me want to be with them, none of them convinced me to give up my daily routine as a single person, none of them made me want to buy a load from the store to text them up all night and get a very big eye bug. NONE.

I have seen my friends cry over a guy for months. I’ve seen my friends being cheated on by their so-called boyfriends and girlfriends. I’ve seen girls being impregnated by their boyfriends and were left all alone to raise up a child. I’ve seen heart-breaking moments because they chose to love, and they were loved in return for a few days, weeks and months. After that, what happens? They all find themselves in a situation where they feel the world has stopped turning; where the question “WHY?” pops out and worse, where they start to blame God.

So why would you really enter a relationship when you know it won’t last at the first place? Is it because you just want to have a boyfriend? Is because you just want to be with somebody? Is it because you you’ve felt the so-called tingling feeling coming up your spine when you are with the person? Please, spare me from that tale. In the end, you’ll still find your hear shattered into pieces. So why risk it?

Being single is fun. You can hang out with your friends; you have all the time in the world. You learn to be independent without relying to someone. You can live without guys or girls. You can evaluate yourself more. There’s no chance of getting hurt. There’s no chance of having a broken heart. There’s no chance of crying for a man or a woman. There’s no chance of drinking late at night with your black mascara smeared on your face with your tears. There are no photos torn into two and thrown at the trashcan. Life is simpler. Life is fun. Life is worry-free.