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Thursday, October 05, 2006
The Kim Now or The Kim Before
People told me I've changed. Haven't I? I'm not sure. I'm not really sure about it.My friend told me that my classmates said that they want the "Kim" back when we were in first year. I don't understand. I really don't understand. What are my changes anyway? They told me that i became "suplada". I don't think so. When we were in first year, yeah, i was damn so "suplada". And i think i've changed this 3rd year. Not the superlative. I think i've become nicer to people. But they misunderstood it. Maybe its better to just stay the way you are. But.. is it really possible?What bugs me the most is that they're saying that i've changed, but will they judge themselves first? I know its for the benefit of me(i don't want growing up while people are hating me), and when i ask them what are the changes, they would tell me "basta" and that really irritates me. Okay, I accept it. I'm kinda suplada and everything. But when you get to know me better, I'm not. (Maybe this is what you get when you got chinky eyes) Maybe nasanay lang sila that I was branded a "suplada". But can't they look to the bright side? I mean, hinde pa nga kami close they're telling this and that na. And I asked my friend awhile ago, why aren't the boys in the class go home with them anymore(since nung 2nd yr sila, they all go home together). She answered me that "nahihiya sila sa iyo". What the-?! Why? I'm not even kidding them around because I'm afraid that they will tell me this and that. I don't really understand why. I really don't. Then another thing, my friend. I mean, another close friend. They said that she changed too because of me. I'm not even doing anything. They said that she doesn't go with them anymore. They said that she became "suplada". And the reason is me. Okay. I don't get it. I think its not only because of me. Am i her only friend? Nope. We got friends who're I dunno. Some kind of teasers. I tried to reach out to them last June and July, but i just couldn't. How can i reach them when they're running away from me? And I'm just very careful about opening myself to them. I don't trust people easily. Just a little slip out and you're dead. That'll be the headlines of the schoolpaper. Some of them aren't even worth trusted. Especially those two girls who are close with the guys. I just couldnt. About the thing that she doesn't go with them anymore. I have nothing to do with that. Am i telling her that she can't go with you anymore? Nope. I'm not. About the thing that she became "suplada". I have nothing to do with that. Nothin. They're sayign like, I'm the reason of all these. *The not going home together with the boys.*The division of everyone in the class.*The becoming "suplada" of my friend. I asked them what made them said that. They would answer me like "i don't know." How will i change and watch out my attitude if in the first place, i don't even know where to start changing? It really sucks. I thought going "home" will be the greatest decision me and my mom ever made. But I think not. Starting tomorrow, I'll try to make them see that I'm not what they think they are. I just have to. Its a big must. |
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