Mixed emotions. I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling right now. A common yet always an unexplainable phenomenon. I want to cry and yet, I have no reason to. I guess every relationship goes through this, right? It's not always "happy time". It has also "sad and hard times". The thing is, I'm still learning how to adjust and to go through the "hard times". It's hard for me to say everything I feel about every problem we have. If I have it my way, I'd rather keep silent about it and just let it go. But I shouldn't because it'll make things worse.

I don't like the "awkwardness" after each talk. Although we become sweeter with each other, it still feels different. It seems like there's an invisible wall standing between us that we tend to ignore. I don't like the feeling of this. And letting go is not the solution to the problem.

I always make him feel like he's the bad guy. I always see something wrong and I feel like I'm so strict when it comes to our relationship and to our intimacy. And he always feel like he's done nothing right. I don't want him to think anything as such. A good relationship is supposed to make you a better person. It should make you feel happy and contented. And each one of you should try to have the best of each other. I'm not pretty sure if we are in a "good" relationship, but I think I am. I'm happy and contented having him and I'm very open about that. But I also don't get the whole thing. There are things that still bothers me and there are things that makes me sad in ways that I cannot describe in words.

I want to convince myself that this is just a phase that every couple goes through. We'll grow out of it, right?