Sunday, November 05, 2006
Self-Pity
Whenever I see my cousin walking towards me and looking at my whole self, i feel creeps all over my body. And I really know why.

I see my cousin as a perfectionist. She wants everyone to hear her opinions before making the move. And since I was young, she dominated my entire life - until now. She's a faddist. She always conforms to the world. To the latest. Everything.

And she always have me to tease around and to correct to. And because of her, i developed insecurities. Insecurities that I think I won't be able to let go of easily. I lost my confidence whenever Im with the family.

Sometimes I would just stay in my room and sulk myself. I would always tell myself that you're ugly, stubborn, stupid, and any words that would just hurt myself. Now maybe, this is what we call 'self-pity'. I pity myself for not being so pretty, for not being so smart, so tall and socially accepted.

Not now, when I accepted Jesus Christ. Im contented in what He gave me. As the saying says 'you make the most out of the materials given to you'. She tried to persecute me about my Savior. She told me that I'm "ningas-kugon". She told me that "as if ah." But I rejoice for it. I now see that I'm in God. I know that I'll always respect her and will always pray for her, my cousin will always be my cousin, except if the Lord God will move and change her into somebody.
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Kim
That's my big name, as you can see. I'm 19 and lately, I smile less and less. There's something about life that I can't take in. Still though, I'm gonna be successful someday. I don't know when and what exactly.(;

Beach bum. Writer. Driver. Vain. Music-lover. Artist.
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